As summer arrives, the endless antics of the launch ramps across this great country provide the best entertainment a guy could ever want. I for one would pay to see some of this stuff, but due to my inability to be in all places at once I will use the word off the street to bring it to you. Now with that said, let me provide my one and only disclaimer. All stories come from the public domain and are to the best of my knowledge not copyrighted. Should anyone claim a story as their own, I will promptly remove it from the site (after we all get a good laugh). I will do my best to screen it before I write it.

As the title indicates, I am a lover of Mayhem. I promise that no animals or humans were injured or killed in the writing of these stories. I cannot say the same for the boat or tow vehicle. In the spirit of boating, I wish no harm to come to my fellow boaters, but be aware that I will promptly take pictures of your good misfortune should you choose to make them public on the internet, and get a good laugh from them. Now with all that mumbo jumbo behind us, let’s see what we have today.

I have always been one who thought bigger was better. A bigger boat is no exception. The thunderous noise emitted from the bowels of a 40 foot cigarette boat at the loading dock is enough to get my blood pumping. I have learned however that the size of the boat does not always equate to the size of the persons brain who is attempting to operate it.

After a good day of gas guzzling and annoying the local fishermen with this monstrous adrenaline filled machine, the owner pulled into the harbor and tied off to the dock while his partner retrieved the tow vehicle. In this case the tow vehicle was a dolled up chrome plated dual wheel 1 ton diesel burning monster all its own. The trailer was dunked and the boat carefully floated on. After successfully hooking to the winch on the trailer, the driver of said tow vehicle proceeds to pull up the ramp.

After a few feet the familiar strains of a diesel engine become pronounced. A faint voice from the loading dock yells out that it’s just the trailer wheels coming up over the end of the ramp due to the length of the trailer and the low water level. The truck strains for a few more seconds but does not move forward. The driver backs a few feet down the ramp presumably to get a little room, and proceeds to put the coals to the fire and guns it. The entire rig surges forward, stops short, (BIG BOOM) and then surges forward again. After the dust settles, the owner of this 40 foot jewel is the proud owner of a 16” long stainless steel dock cleat proudly embedded in his transom. It would appear that he neglected to untie the boat from the dock, and the resulting stretch from his tow rope tore the dock cleat from its base and with lightning speed and accuracy nailed the transom like a missile.

I am not laughing at him, I am only laughing with him. Yeah right!